I can't believe it has been months since I posted! I think about blogging often and I want to do it more. What perfect timing since the new year is only a few days away!
I am so excited about the miraculous work of God in my life. He never ever ever EVER disappoints me, and the time that has passed since I began this blog has seen me to a new season for sure. I'm so thankful to God to be feeling so much stronger. Of course my success goes in cycles of dips and backward steps more than half the time, but each time I regress to my old ways is less debilitating than the time before. God can fix anything if He can fix me! Jesus didn't die for nothing!!
And I'll tell you what - whatever is happening to me to make me more sane has taken definite effort, but there is no way I could have done all on my own what's been done in my life. And the more I chill out, stop beating myself up, and ask ask ask God for help, and KNOW He'll do unfathomable things, the better it goes. The harder I try to do all this impossibly hard work on myself the more I feel like a ball of yarn strung and tangled all over the house by the cat.
Right now I'm full of hope for more transformation in 2011. I'm hoping to become more consistent in relationships. I'm looking forward to gaining more confidence in who I am in Christ and acting on it. And I'm ready to slow down about it. These things don't happen over night, no matter how much I think my impatience will change that cold hard fact. I need to keep letting God lift these weights for me and focus on Him and His son - being with them and knowing them deeply. That's what I want.
And I long for more community in the year to come. I know God has some Albuquerquean girlfriends in store for me! I know He has a workplace in mind that will draw me cheerfully to it each morning. I have anticipation for more strong bonds of friendship and sisterhood closer to home.
Finally, I'm pee-my-pants excited about being part of a scripture memorization team! Visit here to see what I'm talking about: http://blog.lproof.org/ . I need this kind of thing to keep my zeal... or to GET some zeal.... I think mine has been hibernating for some time.
Romans 12:11
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Life is Full
I started my new job (finally!) two weeks ago, and that's why I'm all incognito. I'm not used to having 0 flexibility during my day, and since I'm in one single place almost the whooole day, I feel very busy. I come home and it's dinnertime and bedtime. The house is a mess, and people are calling me wondering why I don't like them any more (ok, I exaggerated on that one, but the house seriously looks like a sty).
Because of the not-so-surprising transition, I've not been diving into my Word enough. I think I have gotten better about this in the years past, but I'm not sure if it's a problem because I'm feeling guilty or because I'm genuinely feeling disconnected and unfed. All I know is that I don't relish the feeling, whatever the cause. I lose my excitement and energy. Oh, the dilemmas of life! I have to find a way to spend some meaningful time hearing from my two biggest fans haha But let me tell you, 5:30 AM is not a great time to do that, and that's been the plan. I'm cranky and despicable. God probably wishes I would go back to bed just so He doesn't have to deal with my ceaseless squinting and grumbling.
In other news (my best friend says that all the time and it makes me happy), I love it when people are brave enough to be open and honest about their fears and their passions. I really wish I was like that sometimes, but since I'm really private and reserved with those things, then I can just appreciate them all the more in others. But I just get inspired, knowing that people have excitement that they're not afraid to go after, or at least talk about :) Plus, what are relationships based on if they don't have honesty sprinkled about them?
That's really been a wake-up call to me. One of my relational downfalls with friends can be that I don't ever blossom for them. I'm like a rose that just stays all bound up for fear of being too ugly when my petals unfurl. Anyway, just another thing on my little (haha) list of things to get help with. God is good, and I can practice being real with Him.
All this to say that life is rich, full of change, hope and possibility!
Because of the not-so-surprising transition, I've not been diving into my Word enough. I think I have gotten better about this in the years past, but I'm not sure if it's a problem because I'm feeling guilty or because I'm genuinely feeling disconnected and unfed. All I know is that I don't relish the feeling, whatever the cause. I lose my excitement and energy. Oh, the dilemmas of life! I have to find a way to spend some meaningful time hearing from my two biggest fans haha But let me tell you, 5:30 AM is not a great time to do that, and that's been the plan. I'm cranky and despicable. God probably wishes I would go back to bed just so He doesn't have to deal with my ceaseless squinting and grumbling.
In other news (my best friend says that all the time and it makes me happy), I love it when people are brave enough to be open and honest about their fears and their passions. I really wish I was like that sometimes, but since I'm really private and reserved with those things, then I can just appreciate them all the more in others. But I just get inspired, knowing that people have excitement that they're not afraid to go after, or at least talk about :) Plus, what are relationships based on if they don't have honesty sprinkled about them?
That's really been a wake-up call to me. One of my relational downfalls with friends can be that I don't ever blossom for them. I'm like a rose that just stays all bound up for fear of being too ugly when my petals unfurl. Anyway, just another thing on my little (haha) list of things to get help with. God is good, and I can practice being real with Him.
All this to say that life is rich, full of change, hope and possibility!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
"Empty" just can't describe it...
You know those rare moments when you’re spacing out, thinking unsystematic thoughts and suddenly a long series of dots in your head connect, a short circuit is repaired and a happy little light (that one you thought was burnt out for all those months) switches on. I just had one! And I’m thrilled.
I was doing dishes, listening to Pandora, to a song I had never heard: “Something Holy” by Stellar Kart. [Just a side-note: I’m pretty sure God speaks to me more in the kitchen, while I’m doing dishes, than anywhere else, during any other goings-on.] My computer had become weary, and so was putting on a slideshow of my pictures, one of which I happened to glance at near the end of the Stellar Kart song. The picture was the catalyst of these thoughts.
We are hungry for God. That’s pretty hard to deny. We can look at any person and see their need for “more,” whether that need is fulfilled, lacking or being pursued. Sometimes this hunger drives us to take desperate measures, to do idiotic things because then we feel more alive in some way. Sometimes we have been so torn down that we have lost and forgotten the gleam in our eyes - what used to be the desire for wholeness – and we resign ourselves to the living dead.
And we know that God wants to fill us with every good thing that we need; that is, Him. But sometimes we don’t believe it. I think that’s what happened to that friend who was in the photograph I glimpsed while my hands were in the soapy water. I think she forgot that God could make her whole and give her everything she felt she was lacking. She decided she would pick the other things because to her, at that time, they seemed to be meeting her needs better than God.
I have done that so many times. I do it continually, in fact. I think everyone does.
But let me stay on track. My epiphany is simple.
AND WITHOUT FAITH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD, BECAUSE ANYONE WHO COMES TO HIM MUST BELIEVE THAT HE EXISTS AND THAT HE REWARDS THOSE WHO EARNESTLY SEEK HIM. HEBREWS 11:6
But what does faith really mean? The dictionary says that it is “confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.” [italics not mine] I tell my husband that I can back his work van up into a tight spot in our parking lot, and he says “Hannah, I have confidence that you can do that!” So he lets me, and proves to me that he has faith in me to park his van. But what if he says “Hannah, I trust that you can do that, but go ahead and trade spots with me because I’d rather park the van”? I would feel like he didn’t honestly believe in my abilities! If he did, wouldn’t he have let me park his van?
I think God wants us to believe in Him to the point that we let Him have the say in our lives. I think that’s all He wants. Because if we seek Him and trust Him enough, we’ll actually follow His directions, whatever they may be, to the best of our ability. And that’s because we know that when we obey, good things happen, even if obedience hurts at the time. Of course, this is obviously not fool-proof, because our enemy prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8) and sometimes we just plain fail to remember that God sort of made the Universe and, you know, already bought us back from the devil and all that… a bit frustrating, since it seems so simple.
Going back to my friend, I just want to remark that I don’t know what her soul was searching for back when she was making the decisions she made, but I have a pretty good idea, because our souls have so much in common. This entry wasn’t supposed to be about her, but I am obviously still stinging from what happened, and I really miss the old her. Of course, I’m not the old me any more either, but my heart gets little leaky places in it when I imagine everything I have gained and she has lost as we have traveled our different paths. I want for her the fulfillment I know a choice toward God would have brought her. Thank you God for not treating us the horrible way we deserve to be treated, and that you can give back the things we have forfeited and that you love us just as much when we turn away from you as when we turn toward you. The reason the thought of her scares me these days because I know how easily it could have been me making the exact same choices she chose to make.
I see it now. Our Heavenly Father wants so much for us to be with Him in life, to protect us with the rules He’s set in place for us to adhere to for our own good. Think about it. He does things for US, the peoples of the world, not for HIM. The more we trail after Him, the more He is delighted because we become less and less lost. I’m sure of the fact that He wants and needs us to share His copious love with everyone, but I think that a relationship with Him must come first. Otherwise, why do we do good things? Because we feel guilty if we don’t? That’s not really loving, that’s an act of cowardice - trying to protect ourselves by doing the right things. And why would God want us to feel horrible if we didn’t “do His bidding”? We are His SONS AND DAUGHTERS! We can’t earn our salvation. Anything we do is just icing on the cake, although I think our God is a God who doesn’t like to settle for a naked cake.
Anyway, it’s like this verse….
SINCE YOU CALL ON A FATHER WHO JUDGES EACH MAN’S WORK IMPARTIALLY, LIVE YOUR LIVES AS STRANGERS HERE IN REVERENT FEAR. FOR YOU KNOW THAT IT WAS NOT WITH PERISHABLE THINGS SUCH AS SILVER OR GOLD THAT YOU WERE REDEEMED FROM THE EMPTY WAY OF LIFE HANDED DOWN TO YOU FROM YOUR FOREFATHERS, BUT WITH THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF CHRIST, A LAMB WITHOUT BLEMISH OR DEFECT. 1 PETER 1:17-19
We should live in the light which is shed in knowing that we are SO valuable that God would go to all the trouble of rescuing us by way of His son, and it should touch and humble us in a way that makes us eager to love our fellow person!
I was doing dishes, listening to Pandora, to a song I had never heard: “Something Holy” by Stellar Kart. [Just a side-note: I’m pretty sure God speaks to me more in the kitchen, while I’m doing dishes, than anywhere else, during any other goings-on.] My computer had become weary, and so was putting on a slideshow of my pictures, one of which I happened to glance at near the end of the Stellar Kart song. The picture was the catalyst of these thoughts.
We are hungry for God. That’s pretty hard to deny. We can look at any person and see their need for “more,” whether that need is fulfilled, lacking or being pursued. Sometimes this hunger drives us to take desperate measures, to do idiotic things because then we feel more alive in some way. Sometimes we have been so torn down that we have lost and forgotten the gleam in our eyes - what used to be the desire for wholeness – and we resign ourselves to the living dead.
And we know that God wants to fill us with every good thing that we need; that is, Him. But sometimes we don’t believe it. I think that’s what happened to that friend who was in the photograph I glimpsed while my hands were in the soapy water. I think she forgot that God could make her whole and give her everything she felt she was lacking. She decided she would pick the other things because to her, at that time, they seemed to be meeting her needs better than God.
I have done that so many times. I do it continually, in fact. I think everyone does.
But let me stay on track. My epiphany is simple.
AND WITHOUT FAITH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE GOD, BECAUSE ANYONE WHO COMES TO HIM MUST BELIEVE THAT HE EXISTS AND THAT HE REWARDS THOSE WHO EARNESTLY SEEK HIM. HEBREWS 11:6
But what does faith really mean? The dictionary says that it is “confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.” [italics not mine] I tell my husband that I can back his work van up into a tight spot in our parking lot, and he says “Hannah, I have confidence that you can do that!” So he lets me, and proves to me that he has faith in me to park his van. But what if he says “Hannah, I trust that you can do that, but go ahead and trade spots with me because I’d rather park the van”? I would feel like he didn’t honestly believe in my abilities! If he did, wouldn’t he have let me park his van?
I think God wants us to believe in Him to the point that we let Him have the say in our lives. I think that’s all He wants. Because if we seek Him and trust Him enough, we’ll actually follow His directions, whatever they may be, to the best of our ability. And that’s because we know that when we obey, good things happen, even if obedience hurts at the time. Of course, this is obviously not fool-proof, because our enemy prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8) and sometimes we just plain fail to remember that God sort of made the Universe and, you know, already bought us back from the devil and all that… a bit frustrating, since it seems so simple.
Going back to my friend, I just want to remark that I don’t know what her soul was searching for back when she was making the decisions she made, but I have a pretty good idea, because our souls have so much in common. This entry wasn’t supposed to be about her, but I am obviously still stinging from what happened, and I really miss the old her. Of course, I’m not the old me any more either, but my heart gets little leaky places in it when I imagine everything I have gained and she has lost as we have traveled our different paths. I want for her the fulfillment I know a choice toward God would have brought her. Thank you God for not treating us the horrible way we deserve to be treated, and that you can give back the things we have forfeited and that you love us just as much when we turn away from you as when we turn toward you. The reason the thought of her scares me these days because I know how easily it could have been me making the exact same choices she chose to make.
I see it now. Our Heavenly Father wants so much for us to be with Him in life, to protect us with the rules He’s set in place for us to adhere to for our own good. Think about it. He does things for US, the peoples of the world, not for HIM. The more we trail after Him, the more He is delighted because we become less and less lost. I’m sure of the fact that He wants and needs us to share His copious love with everyone, but I think that a relationship with Him must come first. Otherwise, why do we do good things? Because we feel guilty if we don’t? That’s not really loving, that’s an act of cowardice - trying to protect ourselves by doing the right things. And why would God want us to feel horrible if we didn’t “do His bidding”? We are His SONS AND DAUGHTERS! We can’t earn our salvation. Anything we do is just icing on the cake, although I think our God is a God who doesn’t like to settle for a naked cake.
Anyway, it’s like this verse….
SINCE YOU CALL ON A FATHER WHO JUDGES EACH MAN’S WORK IMPARTIALLY, LIVE YOUR LIVES AS STRANGERS HERE IN REVERENT FEAR. FOR YOU KNOW THAT IT WAS NOT WITH PERISHABLE THINGS SUCH AS SILVER OR GOLD THAT YOU WERE REDEEMED FROM THE EMPTY WAY OF LIFE HANDED DOWN TO YOU FROM YOUR FOREFATHERS, BUT WITH THE PRECIOUS BLOOD OF CHRIST, A LAMB WITHOUT BLEMISH OR DEFECT. 1 PETER 1:17-19
We should live in the light which is shed in knowing that we are SO valuable that God would go to all the trouble of rescuing us by way of His son, and it should touch and humble us in a way that makes us eager to love our fellow person!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Square 1.001?
I’m almost done with Matthew, and I might have a couple thoughts about all these questions I’ve been pondering.
What I’m seeing so far is God’s desire for purity, overshadowed with His burning love for us. Something I’m starting to realize is that God knows who we are, He knows how darkened the world is and so He knows the weaknesses in our hearts. How could He expect us never to fall? We are already fallen. But I see Him asking us for pure motives (I wrote an entry about that, actually, but I haven’t posted it yet). He wants to free us from our duplistic [I know that's not a word, but shouldn't it be?] bondage to please both Him and humankind.
The other thing I’m beginning to understand more and more about God is that although He desires us to show our love for Him by way of our obedience to Him, our Father doesn’t issue commands because He’s on a power trip. He kindly tells us what we should and should not involve ourselves in because He knows the consequences to us and to the souls around us.
I’ll give some examples because I’m trying to speak the truth, and:
WHOEVER SPEAKS THE TRUTH GIVES HONEST EVIDENCE… PROVERBS 12: 17A
PART 1
This verse sounded really harsh to me for a long time, but I see it differently now.
YOU ARE THE SALT OF THE EARTH, BUT IF SALT HAS LOST ITS TASTE, HOW SHALL ITS SALTINESS BE RESTORED? IT IS NO LONGER GOOD FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT TO BE THROWN OUT AND TRAMPLED UNDER PEOPLE’S FEET.
MATTHEW 5:13
By harsh, I mean that Christ appeared to be addressing the crowd with disdain or disgust, saying “Ok, people, get it together, because if you don’t you’re not good enough and obviously deserve to be completely discarded and abused.” As if our Lord Jesus ever had an air of superiority about him - he came to DIE for us! And meanwhile he served many, many humans just like us; people who were dirt poor, very rich, in the deepest pits of sin and ignorance or overly righteous. How could I think that Jesus Christ would tell me that if I “lost my saltiness” I was scum? His tone, I believe, is a loving admonition: be careful, sister, your saltiness is of great value, but if you lose your salty flavor – if you lose that which gives you your identity as the salt of the earth, something valuable, healing, and delicious – you get trampled. People will throw you out and use you to de-ice their driveways because they won’t see what is different about you.
I don’t know how accurate I am in saying all of this, but all I’m trying to convey is that Jesus isn’t telling us that we’re not good enough or that if we do such and such we will start to fall short. We didn’t earn what he did for us in the first place, so how can we ever earn it by being really good (Romans 5:6-11)? Or how can we UNearn it?
PART 2
So that was the part about unconditional love communicated through the possibly mean-sounding things Christ says.
This is the part about the purity of heart that God desires from us.
If there were no other example, we could just look at what Jesus’ life looked like to see that God wants us to be devoted to Him through and through rather than only appearing dutiful to Him. Jesus never took more credit than was fair for him, a man. He would not even call himself good – the Son of our Heavenly Father, the only perfect being to ever walk God’s green earth. He did things that would cause most of us to cringe and run, and he did them out of unpolluted compassion and obedience. Letting a strange woman pour oil all over him; touching lepers and all kinds of diseased, smelly outcasts; healing the ear of a soldier come to take him to his torture and horrible death when his own disciple chopped it off trying to defend him… I could go on and on.
I have a little more clarity regarding some of my zillions of questions, and I can’t wait for more. Will I ever find the answers to some of them?? It doesn’t feel like it yet, but I’ll try not to be a me of little faith :)
What I’m seeing so far is God’s desire for purity, overshadowed with His burning love for us. Something I’m starting to realize is that God knows who we are, He knows how darkened the world is and so He knows the weaknesses in our hearts. How could He expect us never to fall? We are already fallen. But I see Him asking us for pure motives (I wrote an entry about that, actually, but I haven’t posted it yet). He wants to free us from our duplistic [I know that's not a word, but shouldn't it be?] bondage to please both Him and humankind.
The other thing I’m beginning to understand more and more about God is that although He desires us to show our love for Him by way of our obedience to Him, our Father doesn’t issue commands because He’s on a power trip. He kindly tells us what we should and should not involve ourselves in because He knows the consequences to us and to the souls around us.
I’ll give some examples because I’m trying to speak the truth, and:
WHOEVER SPEAKS THE TRUTH GIVES HONEST EVIDENCE… PROVERBS 12: 17A
PART 1
This verse sounded really harsh to me for a long time, but I see it differently now.
YOU ARE THE SALT OF THE EARTH, BUT IF SALT HAS LOST ITS TASTE, HOW SHALL ITS SALTINESS BE RESTORED? IT IS NO LONGER GOOD FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT TO BE THROWN OUT AND TRAMPLED UNDER PEOPLE’S FEET.
MATTHEW 5:13
By harsh, I mean that Christ appeared to be addressing the crowd with disdain or disgust, saying “Ok, people, get it together, because if you don’t you’re not good enough and obviously deserve to be completely discarded and abused.” As if our Lord Jesus ever had an air of superiority about him - he came to DIE for us! And meanwhile he served many, many humans just like us; people who were dirt poor, very rich, in the deepest pits of sin and ignorance or overly righteous. How could I think that Jesus Christ would tell me that if I “lost my saltiness” I was scum? His tone, I believe, is a loving admonition: be careful, sister, your saltiness is of great value, but if you lose your salty flavor – if you lose that which gives you your identity as the salt of the earth, something valuable, healing, and delicious – you get trampled. People will throw you out and use you to de-ice their driveways because they won’t see what is different about you.
I don’t know how accurate I am in saying all of this, but all I’m trying to convey is that Jesus isn’t telling us that we’re not good enough or that if we do such and such we will start to fall short. We didn’t earn what he did for us in the first place, so how can we ever earn it by being really good (Romans 5:6-11)? Or how can we UNearn it?
PART 2
So that was the part about unconditional love communicated through the possibly mean-sounding things Christ says.
This is the part about the purity of heart that God desires from us.
If there were no other example, we could just look at what Jesus’ life looked like to see that God wants us to be devoted to Him through and through rather than only appearing dutiful to Him. Jesus never took more credit than was fair for him, a man. He would not even call himself good – the Son of our Heavenly Father, the only perfect being to ever walk God’s green earth. He did things that would cause most of us to cringe and run, and he did them out of unpolluted compassion and obedience. Letting a strange woman pour oil all over him; touching lepers and all kinds of diseased, smelly outcasts; healing the ear of a soldier come to take him to his torture and horrible death when his own disciple chopped it off trying to defend him… I could go on and on.
I have a little more clarity regarding some of my zillions of questions, and I can’t wait for more. Will I ever find the answers to some of them?? It doesn’t feel like it yet, but I’ll try not to be a me of little faith :)
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The first square... yes, Square One.
I’m thankful for people who can get me to question what I believe using an insider’s approach. As in, they aren’t TRYING to get me to rethink my whole faith. Simply suggesting a new way of looking at a singular belief is enough to get the little gears in my head turning.
Right now I feel like I’m going through the very unfamiliar process of questioning every little thing I believe.
At the start of the summer every step I took felt like I was walking on a waterbed because of the countless changes taking place simultaneously. But having a few months of waterbed-treading was a great opportunity for me to grasp for what I thought I knew and to find out how stable it really was. Upon trying to get my footing this way, I ended up wildly flailing about instead. I was not that secure in what I knew to be true and needless to say I’ve been a quite the wreck - I haven’t handled it very gracefully. But what can I say! Nobody is perfect. God loves me regardless.
Anyway, I realized that I have all of this stuff in my head about God's promises and about how He feels about me, etc, but for some reason I don't actually live as if it were true, which caused all my floundering. So I decided I needed to go back to the fundamentals of what I believe, in hopes of at least understanding what it is that's keeping me from really living in the freedom Christ died and rose to give me. There’s something I’m not getting that hopefully I can eventually take hold of and continue hanging on to next time my life is in such dramatic transition.
These are only like 3% of the questions that have been circulating in my head since I figured out that I may not have been on as solid of ground as I thought...
Who am I?
God only made one of everyone, so I don't want to try to take somebody else’s spot, but I want to know who *I* am.
What does God want from me?
A relationship, but what kind?
What does God think of me? I swear, I should know this already!
What's this business about getting rewards for what I do in my lifetime?
How important is every little good thing I do?
Do the bad things I do have much weight?
What attitude am I supposed to have about my "service" to God, and do I have pure motives?
How much should I obsess about this stuff?
How much am I supposed to enjoy life? Is it bad to not enjoy life because I’m worried about doing things right? Is it bad to enjoy life too much and forget about my responsibilities?
What is grace? I know I don’t have to earn salvation, but am I not supposed to be working hard to avoid sin? What is the balance?
I don’t feel bad admitting that I really am not understanding the practicalities of God’s heart for His babies, and namely me. In fact, as uncomfortable as it is, searching is a great place to be for me because I know that God NEVER disappoints. I resolved to read the New Testament from the beginning, just looking for the basics (hum… are my questions even about basic things? I don’t even know what is basic and what is not anymore!), because I know God placed the answers to all of my questions in those pages. I'll try to share what I learn as time goes on...
Right now I feel like I’m going through the very unfamiliar process of questioning every little thing I believe.
At the start of the summer every step I took felt like I was walking on a waterbed because of the countless changes taking place simultaneously. But having a few months of waterbed-treading was a great opportunity for me to grasp for what I thought I knew and to find out how stable it really was. Upon trying to get my footing this way, I ended up wildly flailing about instead. I was not that secure in what I knew to be true and needless to say I’ve been a quite the wreck - I haven’t handled it very gracefully. But what can I say! Nobody is perfect. God loves me regardless.
Anyway, I realized that I have all of this stuff in my head about God's promises and about how He feels about me, etc, but for some reason I don't actually live as if it were true, which caused all my floundering. So I decided I needed to go back to the fundamentals of what I believe, in hopes of at least understanding what it is that's keeping me from really living in the freedom Christ died and rose to give me. There’s something I’m not getting that hopefully I can eventually take hold of and continue hanging on to next time my life is in such dramatic transition.
These are only like 3% of the questions that have been circulating in my head since I figured out that I may not have been on as solid of ground as I thought...
Who am I?
God only made one of everyone, so I don't want to try to take somebody else’s spot, but I want to know who *I* am.
What does God want from me?
A relationship, but what kind?
What does God think of me? I swear, I should know this already!
What's this business about getting rewards for what I do in my lifetime?
How important is every little good thing I do?
Do the bad things I do have much weight?
What attitude am I supposed to have about my "service" to God, and do I have pure motives?
How much should I obsess about this stuff?
How much am I supposed to enjoy life? Is it bad to not enjoy life because I’m worried about doing things right? Is it bad to enjoy life too much and forget about my responsibilities?
What is grace? I know I don’t have to earn salvation, but am I not supposed to be working hard to avoid sin? What is the balance?
I don’t feel bad admitting that I really am not understanding the practicalities of God’s heart for His babies, and namely me. In fact, as uncomfortable as it is, searching is a great place to be for me because I know that God NEVER disappoints. I resolved to read the New Testament from the beginning, just looking for the basics (hum… are my questions even about basic things? I don’t even know what is basic and what is not anymore!), because I know God placed the answers to all of my questions in those pages. I'll try to share what I learn as time goes on...
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Stellar Kart - Automatic
As sure as a phoenix sunrise
And the yanks in the playoffs every year
You're absolutely faithful
I'm positively prone to disappear
But like I breathe
And my heart beats
I wanna love you like it's automatic
Make you into my good habit
You're the only one that really matters
Every minute everyday it's automatically ok
When I make it all about you
It's a mixed up messed up world with
An unsatisfaction guarantee
So I'm pledging my allegiance
To the one and only one
Who can set me free
Just like I breathe
And my heart beats
I wanna love you like it's automatic
Make you into my good habit
You're the only one that really matters
Every minute everyday it's automatically ok
When I make it all about you
But I'm not a robot
Made with no thought
What's the point of living life without the will to choose
To run with the have nots
Or go with the sure shot
I'm with you
I wanna love you like it's automatic
Make you into my good habit
You're the only one that really matters
Love you like it's automatic
Tired of being so erratic
You're the only one that really matters
Every minute everyday it's automatically ok
Every minute everyday it's automatically ok
When I make it all about you
GONNA MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOU
And the yanks in the playoffs every year
You're absolutely faithful
I'm positively prone to disappear
But like I breathe
And my heart beats
I wanna love you like it's automatic
Make you into my good habit
You're the only one that really matters
Every minute everyday it's automatically ok
When I make it all about you
It's a mixed up messed up world with
An unsatisfaction guarantee
So I'm pledging my allegiance
To the one and only one
Who can set me free
Just like I breathe
And my heart beats
I wanna love you like it's automatic
Make you into my good habit
You're the only one that really matters
Every minute everyday it's automatically ok
When I make it all about you
But I'm not a robot
Made with no thought
What's the point of living life without the will to choose
To run with the have nots
Or go with the sure shot
I'm with you
I wanna love you like it's automatic
Make you into my good habit
You're the only one that really matters
Love you like it's automatic
Tired of being so erratic
You're the only one that really matters
Every minute everyday it's automatically ok
Every minute everyday it's automatically ok
When I make it all about you
GONNA MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOU
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Selfless and Selfish Sharing
Another reason God wants us to talk to each other about our experience with Him:
I PRAY THAT YOU MAY BE ACTIVE IN SHARING YOUR FAITH, SO THAT YOU WILL HAVE A FULL UNDERSTANDING OF EVERY GOOD THING WE HAVE IN CHRIST. PHILEMON 1:6
I PRAY THAT YOU MAY BE ACTIVE IN SHARING YOUR FAITH, SO THAT YOU WILL HAVE A FULL UNDERSTANDING OF EVERY GOOD THING WE HAVE IN CHRIST. PHILEMON 1:6
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
God's Words are Life
More and more I realize that if I’m going to do anything more than hardly survive every day then I have to be digesting God’s Word. Digesting as in, so it becomes part of me, not so it makes me get sleepy while I try to read it.
So doing this, which is hard for me because I have to try not to be shy about people reading my writing, is my effort to absorb God’s love. And! I have incentive because I know that “thinking out loud” about what I need to do to be more like Christ might inspire others, too. I would argue that God wants us to be sharing our thoughts on such an important topic, even if it’s in the form of bad writing on a website! Haha!
MY DAUGHTER, BE ATTENTIVE TO MY WORDS; INCLINE YOUR EAR TO MY SAYINGS. LET THEM NOT ESCAPE FROM YOUR SIGHT; KEEP THEM WITHIN YOUR HEART. FOR THEY ARE LIFE TO THOSE WHO FIND THEM, AND HEALING TO ALL THEIR FLESH.
PROVERBS 4:20-22
So doing this, which is hard for me because I have to try not to be shy about people reading my writing, is my effort to absorb God’s love. And! I have incentive because I know that “thinking out loud” about what I need to do to be more like Christ might inspire others, too. I would argue that God wants us to be sharing our thoughts on such an important topic, even if it’s in the form of bad writing on a website! Haha!
MY DAUGHTER, BE ATTENTIVE TO MY WORDS; INCLINE YOUR EAR TO MY SAYINGS. LET THEM NOT ESCAPE FROM YOUR SIGHT; KEEP THEM WITHIN YOUR HEART. FOR THEY ARE LIFE TO THOSE WHO FIND THEM, AND HEALING TO ALL THEIR FLESH.
PROVERBS 4:20-22
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